My Honest Parenting Feelings

I’ve been a parent for two and a half years now. In that time, I’ve changed over 3,000 diapers, snot-suckered at least 200 times, breastfed for 17 months (and my nipples will never be the same), squeezed in adult “exercise” at no fewer than 20 different playgrounds, and spent endless hours cuddled and adored as a stay-at-home parent.

Even with my prior experience as a preschool teacher and parenting coach, I’m still in awe of how many moments of pure love — and uncomfortable challenges — exist in this role.

This first blog post is simply a moment to share what reflection does for me and my relationship with my toddler: how easy and difficult it can be, and what I hope reflection can become for you in your own parenting journey.

When you have a secure relationship with your child, they know they can rely on you — to help them navigate and explore their world, and to be a source of compassion, care, and comfort when they need a safe place to take refuge.

Reflecting on how you show up in these two areas:

1. As someone who helps your child navigate and enjoy the world, and

2. As a safe place for them to take refuge

...is essential for creating a secure relationship. It’s also a powerful way to stay humble — to remember that making mistakes is part of being human, which helps us stay calm when our children are out there making their own.

For me, when I’m rushed, late, bogged down by everyone else’s needs, or just generally stressed, it’s easy to be short with my daughter. I also don’t listen very well in those moments — I’m so in my head that I can’t really see what’s going on for her. That’s usually when tantrums happen. And the irony is that my own shortness/unavailability that often causes them.

Take this morning, for example. My daughter, cat, and spouse all needed something from me immediately. My spouse needed the toilet in our one-bathroom home — while I was already on it (never a moment of peace!) — and it happened to be his morning to sleep in, which, I’ll admit, I was a little jealous of, even though I’d offered it.

So by the time my daughter threw a tantrum about not wanting the toast she had specifically asked for — and then proceeded to whine, rip it apart and crumble it so no one could eat it — I was not in the mood to be a safe space or a guide. Instead, I sat there thinking all the things I dare not say:
“You know what would’ve happened to me if I did that…”
“You’re going to get this for snack, lunch, and dinner.”
“What is wrong with you?”

Some moments I lose. I can’t stay on the path to secure attachment — like this one.

But as I sit here reflecting, I can at least say I kept my mouth shut. In the end, I offered her my lap for comfort. I didn’t get so worked up that I had to leave the room or later make a repair or apology.

For next time, I hope I can recognize when I’m veering off the path before it fully happens. This morning, it likely started when I felt overwhelmed by everyone else’s needs coming at me all at once — on what’s usually my morning for yoga (though honestly, my period had me more in the mood to lay low). The moment I notice myself stepping off the path, when I start seeing others as the problem, I hope I can pause, take a deep breath, and do something that brings me back to a place of love. Sometimes, it helps me to remember I’m the adult, the guide. Other times, I can find joy in being the loving space she needs when she’s struggling with big emotions. And when those things don’t work, may I stay open to finding another way forward.

My hope for you — for all parents — is that you can start to recognize, in each moment, whether you’re on or off the path. Are you being a safe place? Are you helping your child navigate their world with confidence and joy?

Starting there is good enough. And good enough parenting is good enough.

So, let’s start there. What happened in the last 24 hours that you can reflect on? Maybe it was a moment that created security — or one that felt off, or even requires a repair or apology.